The Essence of Grieving: Embracing Steadfast Love


“There may be no more significant Old Testament description of how God relates to His people than this Hebrew word hesed. I argue that the best translation of this term would be “loyal love.” God loves His people genuinely, immutably, loyally. Both the love and the loyalty are, of course, tightly bound together. That is, just as one cannot love capriciously so one cannot be loyal without love. God is for His people, and will never cease to be for them.” (R.C. Sproul, Jr.)

The English Standard Version consistently translates this Hebrew word, “steadfast love.” When believers are taught to love as God loves–taught to practice the agape love of the New Testament–the focus is often on the selflessness of God’s love. It is viewed not as an emotion, although it often elicits an emotional response, but as a commitment to the good of other. The Old Testament seems to emphasize not the selflessness of God’s love, but its steadfastness.

The human love proposition is: “If you love me, you’ll…”

This is the antithesis is of agape love, as it is a self-absorbed view that makes demands based on personal desire or perceived need. We assume that those who love us will go out of their way to do what we want. When they fail to do so, we not only assume they don’t love us, but we also cease loving them–if loving is what this duplicity can be called.

The Divine love proposition is: “Because I love you, I’ll…”

This is hesed. God is love, so His love never abates despite our misunderstanding, misgivings, or misbehaviour. There are times in life when the theological reality of God’s hesed  must eclipse any expectation of its experiential reality, and the diagnosis of a ravaging disease and the subsequent loss of one’s beloved partner in life is such a time. But then, God takes that theology and transforms it into song and sunshine in the most unexpected ways.

When we learned of Donna’s cancer, I decided to memorize Psalm 103 and asked my family to memorize it with me. It became a project of our fused spirits, and I believe we were all affected by the way this divine poem puts human life in perspective so frankly and artfully–I, profoundly so. David, God’s penman, describes our earthly pilgrimage like this:

“As for man, his days are like grass; he flourishes like a flower of the field; for the wind passes over it, and it is gone, and its place knows it no more.” PSA 103.15,16

One day life is full of joy, love, laughter, purpose, and promise. Four months later, it is over. Just like that.

Despite his in-your-face portrayal of life’s shocking brevity, David tempers his observation with a recurring reminder of God’s steadfast love–His hesed. After his opening call to his own soul to bless the Lord, he mentions that one of the reasons to do so is that Jehovah “crowns you with steadfast love and mercy.” (v. 4)

He reminds his soul that God showed Himself awesome and powerful to both Moses and to His people Israel, and then assures himself and the reader that “the LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.” (v. 8)

Our God “does not deal with us according to our sins, or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him.”  (v. 11)

Immediately following this disconcerting comparison between our earthly life and the life of a flower, he reassures us: “But the steadfast love of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him…” (v. 17)

As I have meditated upon this psalm scores of times in the last seven months (I did so again this morning) I have seen the flash of these precious chunks of hesed–the many ways God demonstrates His steadfast love to His children. It is abundant, vast, and unending. As a dear friend and colleague just now reminded me on the phone, “Theological facts are not the things that fulfill us in our times of deepest need. They are the anchor that stabilizes us,” but God uses people and practical demonstrations of His love to teach us, enrich us, and uplift us.

Embracing sovereignty gave Donna and me the assurance that God knows what He’s doing. Embracing sickness allowed us to trust Him in the darkest hour of our lives and look forward to the day when all sickness will be a long-forgotten nightmare. Steadfast love is a crown for my soul now, reminding me I am a child of the King and His love for me is infinite–just as He is.

“Bless the LORD, O my soul!”